Monday, June 30, 2008
and some days, the mendak mood strikes, feel tired, sleepy, even tho with sufficient hours of sleep the nite before...
some things in life has no logical explanation to it..altho in this case, i guess it has got to do with the ups and downs of Iman?
4:35 PM
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Merenung masa lalu yang penuh kesuraman
Tatkala aku diselamatkanMu
Dari kebinasaan yang sedang ku hampiri
SubhanAllah, tidak dapat ku ungkapkan
Dengan tepat apa yg ku rasakan ketika itu
Hanya air mata pilu membasahi diri...
Ku diberi kesedaran apa yg telah terjadi itu
Adalah atas kehendakMu jua
Tidak perlu ku meratapi yg telah berlaku
Dan dengan kuasaMu yang pahit menjadi nikmat
Hatiku terhibur kembali kerana aku sedar
Aku sebenarnya tidak sendirian...
Ditemani Raja segala Raja...
Baru lah ku tahu semua itu
Adalah panggilan kasih dariMu
Agar ku kembali kepangkuanMu
6:15 PM
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Friday, June 27, 2008
I really dun noe what to say. Just feel resigned and maybe numb already? Nak marah pun macam tak ter-marah…argghh... kerana disebaliknya pun dzat. …the beautiful thing since learning ma’rifatullah… Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah, Its helps when this kinda moments arises again.
Feeling a little “off” at the moment though I guess it won’t be for long..hehe..insya Allah…Amin..
He is always near, lebih dekat dari urat nyawa hamba2Nya...cuma antara kita sedar atau tidak :( hmm..but yet there are some still take bus/mrt/aeroplane all the way so far to seek tok bomoh's help for their problems :-/
Lahaula wala quwatta ila billa hil aliyil azim...
“Wahai Tuhan kami. Janganlah Engkau memesongkan hati kami sesudah Engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisiMu, kerana Engkaulah Maha Pemberi.” – (Ali-Imran: 8)
6:20 PM
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Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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Those reminders and motivations keep coming. i know its NOT really them conveying it. They r just the couriers, the means to get the message delivered.
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and a little something to share....
"i have good news to share with u" she said as she held my arm. "i mimpi u pregnant lah"..later on as we talked abt other matters, the conversation went back to the baby subject again... "1 boy 1 girl" she said. I laughed. lol. "cepat lah Amin kan.ketawa pulak" she said. "err..ok..insya Allah Amin" i replied...
O Allah, only You know whats best for me...
12:55 PM
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Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tak terucap kepiluan ini
Titik hitam yang menghijab hati
Hitung dosa saat pergi takkan kembali
Sisa umur tidak undur lagi
Perjalanan dalam kehidupan
Bukan jauh ketentuan datang
Mungkin esok takdir takkan dapat dihalang
Untung nasib di genggaman Tuhan
c/o
Isi alam puspa warna
Bukti Tuhan Maha Kuasa
Ke manakah arah tuju
Hukum Tuhan pasti berlaku
Bukan tempat lalai leka
Di dunia bakti ditempa
Tanam budi luhur murni
Di akhirat tempat abadi
Himpun doa dipohon harapan
Pinta Rahmat petunjuk pimpinan
Ikhtiar usaha moga dengan Nur dari Tuhan
Suluh terang jalan kebahagiaan
11:10 AM
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Thursday, June 19, 2008
We had late breakfast cum lunch at Hajah Maimunah, my first time there, food was yummy. and a walk around Bussorah St before doing zuhur at Masjid Sultan. Continued walk2 again before heading to "afganistan" and end up buying bubble tea there.*tak abis2 ye*
With him on shiftwork, and me long hours at work, gi blajar etc, its blissful to be able to go out together like this even tho its a simple outing...
Thank YOU for allowing it to happen. Alhamdullilah...
5:59 PM
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008
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2 years and 2 months have passed... But i still think of that moment from time to time...
I miss that feeling of 'detachment'...
4:25 PM
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sedangkan ku dirundung bimbang mengingati saat itu...
takut akan siksa sakratul maut..
takut akan azab kubur ...
bimbang bagaimana keadaan ku nanti bila dibangkitkan di Padang Masyhar…
Amalan ku terlalu sedikit, tidak mungkin dapat menyelamatkan ku, jika ditimbang dengan beratnya dosa-dosa ku…
hanya rahmat Mu sahaja ya Allah yang dapat menyelamatkan ku...
Ku berdoa semoga bila tiba saat itu, pergi ku di dalam redhaMu...
Begitu jua dengan dirinya, bimbinglah dia kembali padaMu,
semoga dirinya juga dikurniakan husnul khotimah bila tiba saat itu…
Ku menyayanginya, semoga kasih kami dirahmati dan diredhaiMu...
Ampunilah dosa-dosa dan kesilapan kami…
11:22 AM
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
ku mohon agar diizinkan merasai kehadiranMu selalu ...
ku mohon dipermudahkan ku mentaati perintahMu dan menjauhi laranganMu
ku mohon dilindungi dari segala yg menjauhkan ku dari Mu...
ku ingin hampir pada Mu...ku malu dgn keinginan ku ini kerana ku tidak layak...
namun... ku tetap berharap padaMu...
Bimbinglah diri ku ke pangkuan redhaMu...
5:58 PM
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Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun. Pertemuan awal bulan lalu di cgh was to be pertemuan yg terakhir...
To our fellow brother and multiplier Ashraf bin Abdul Kader (bendahara.multiply.com) who passed on this morning after a long battle with sickness, semoga roh mu tenang di alam barzakh. Amin.
12:35 AM
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Thursday, June 05, 2008
Somehow it feels nice to be writing again, I hope it would help express myself better. Many a times, I find it hard to express my thoughts verbally. I want to say A but end up say W. Then later I wonder why I said that? I’m thankful that my job doesn’t involve much talking *relieved look* hehe.
Being full time working muslim women has its challenges. You gotta be careful of your interaction with the opposite sex. Gotta curb the tongue and ears from getting involved in the juicy gossips as much as possible. Curb the eyes from ‘seeing’ too much of aib dan keburukan orang coz it might make us feel tinggi diri and blind to our own more serious flaws. Nauzubillah. It ain’t easy at times. But fearing the consequences does help in some ways to control the whims of the nafs and brush off the evil whispers?
Ok my next goal hopefully is to be able to write in a more proper language, not rojak of English, Malay, Singlish, bahasa pasar etc. Achievable? Yes? No? I oso dunno actually. Lol. See how it goes lah…hehe.
Have a blessed Thursday :o)
11:15 AM
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Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Its gonna be another long day today. i have mengaji lessons tonite. Hoping to complete the last few pages of Qiraati very soon, insya Allah. I can't wait to move to Quran. However, currently am having problem with controlling of pernafasan. i tend to pause often or nafas tak sampai when reading long ayats or those with longer harakats, then i end up pausing inappropriately. I try not to let myself be demoralised by it though. Although at times when i start to read in front of ustazah, i felt conscious abt it then end up short ayat pun nafas terbantut. hehe. walhal kat rumah baca ok. Ustazah would remind me to relax, jgn kelam kabut when she sense i'm getting a bit kancheong. lol.
Its amazing how we can read long sentences of a book so smoothly, but when its comes to kalam (did i spell it rite?) Allah, its not as easy as that... ustazah reminded to make doa, for Allah to give us a heart that loves the Quran. I may not be able to read it well yet, but i believe in the miracles of the Quran (Allah's words). I recalled when i had high fever from chicken pox few months ago which didn't subside with panadols. And i started to feel "floaty" not really myself and thoughts of death started playing on my mind. I lie in bed feeling terrible and plug in the digital quran to my ears and try to shut off my mind from other thoughts. i randomly pick a surah to listen, i could not remember which surah is it now but i remember the surah mentioned something like rugi lah org2 yg solat tapi lalai dalam solatnya.... tears just rolled coz i felt it hit me right in the face. and as the tears rolled, i felt my fever slowly subsiding and i dozed off soon after.... and by next morning, i only had very slight fever which eventually become no more fever. no more panadols needed after that. Subhanallah.
2:58 PM
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Tuesday, June 03, 2008
As we were walking home together, it felt like those dark phase of our marriage just seem very distant now. Once a upon a time it was just so crazy and everything looked hopeless. My legs would get weak and wobbly a few times then trying to swallow and face everything that was happening one after another, and I wondered if I was going to collapse and die from it all one day. It was just too much for me. But Allah guided me back to Him just when I felt I could take it no more and I felt something within that I have never felt before in my whole life that made me cry like a baby that fateful nite. Allahu Akhbar. And since then little miracles have happened. And is still happening. As for our marriage journey, its feels more special now than during the early pengantin baru period. The ups and downs do happen just like in any marriages, but its much more cope-able and easier to manage now. Alhamdulillah. They say “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger?”
I hope for a life and marriage blessed by Allah. Amin.
“Wahai Tuhan kami. Janganlah Engkau memesongkan hati kami sesudah Engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisiMu, kerana Engkaulah Maha Pemberi.” – (Ali-Imran: 8)
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On another note, as soon as we reach our doorstep yesterday, takde angin takde rebut, the cup of bubble tea just slipped off my hand. Lebih menyedihkan when I pick it up again, realized the cup had already bocor, thus it was raining bubble tea and pearls right in front of our door. Lol. Ketawa sampai sakit perut. Terpaksa kutip balik pearls2 yg berterabuh depan pintu and then simbah dengan air to avoid ants. Hope my clumsiness lessens as times goes by…
1:50 PM
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Monday, June 02, 2008
Just few more minits more to go before official time to balik kampung. And welcome to sardine packed trains too. Hehe. East bound trains are always sooo crowded, most of the time.
better stop for now before end up with more nonsense...hehe...tataaaaa....
6:10 PM
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